Lost In My Sin For 40 Years

Going back to the tongue. Oh, brothers and sisters, that one was by far the hardest one I had to change.

The bible says in Ephesians 4:29-32 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you”

Anger. During my first year of my recovery, I enrolled into a program at the Royal Ottawa Hospital; this was to comply to CAS request so I can see my children. During my program I volunteer for a Phallometric test -this test screwed me up when I was using cocaine, reason why CAS was NOT allowing me to see my children. Have you ever heard the expression, Sex, Drugs and Alcohol?

According to the internet this test is “testing using the penile plethysmograph (also known as PPG) is designed to measure sexual response to visual and auditory non-pornographic stimuli”. LOL! “Non-pornographic stimuli”, well let me tell you, that is a lie, because they DO show you pornography scenes (men with women, men with men, and women with women) and then mix it with other images. In other words, this is the most messed up test I have ever gone through. And they call this “a study”, that is no study, that is a trap.

Anyways, after I had achieved 3 years clean, I did go voluntarily through the test (twice) to prove CAS that there was nothing wrong with me. They bounced the results, my doctor at that time was outraged that CAS had nulled out his prognosis. Fighting against CAS is useless, you will never win, but it is a necessary evil.

See, drugs can get you in all kids of problems, some of them are embarrassing, humiliating and diminishing. You can get locked up because of the consequences. But this is to be expected; the bible says very clear, the wages of sin is death. 

Death not necessary means you die, you can die spiritually, you can become numb to your family, you can lose your mind, or you can lose your freedom.

But God does not want that from us.

God expects from us, a transformation, since he has given us a new body a new mind. We still have to live in the body that has been given to us, but this time living to please God. “Anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” 2 Corinthians 5:17. It is like, a new person living in the same body that took me to jail, the one who abused drugs and destroyed the live of my children, yes, sharing the same body. Psychology would call this a double personality. But it is not, it is just accepting what I have done and what I am capable of doing. I can fall into addictions again, easier than what it took me to come out.

In 24 years, I have learned to put down the other me. The old Gus still in me but he does not control me anymore, God is in control. I have learned to fight the desires of the flesh, to see women with love and respect, to love my wife unconditionally. There is a Spanish song from Santiago Benavides that says “if I speak words of God but I don’t have love, it is useless”. That is so true, we need to be kind to people, love our children and wife, we need to help the one who need help.

I have been a member of New Connections Ministries for the time that I have clean, 24 years. I am a registered volunteer at the Salvation Army – Anchorage Withdrawal program, yes, the one I thought it was a joke. I am a member of Baptist Church Efata in Lima, Peru.

Every achievement I have done belongs to the Lord, to him be all the Glory for ever and ever, amen.

"Nobody cares for me, no one wants to give me a chance, I might as well kill myself"

Going back to the tongue. Oh, brothers and sisters, that one was by far the hardest one I had to change.

The bible says in Ephesians 4:29-32 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you”

Anger. During my first year of my recovery, I enrolled into a program at the Royal Ottawa Hospital; this was to comply to CAS request so I can see my children. During my program I volunteer for a Phallometric test -this test screwed me up when I was using cocaine, reason why CAS was NOT allowing me to see my children. Have you ever heard the expression, Sex, Drugs and Alcohol?

According to the internet this test is “testing using the penile plethysmograph (also known as PPG) is designed to measure sexual response to visual and auditory non-pornographic stimuli”. LOL! “Non-pornographic stimuli”, well let me tell you, that is a lie, because they DO show you pornography scenes (men with women, men with men, and women with women) and then mix it with other images. In other words, this is the most messed up test I have ever gone through. And they call this “a study”, that is no study, that is a trap.

Anyways, after I had achieved 3 years clean, I did go voluntarily through the test (twice) to prove CAS that there was nothing wrong with me. They bounced the results, my doctor at that time was outraged that CAS had nulled out his prognosis. Fighting against CAS is useless, you will never win, but it is a necessary evil.

See, drugs can get you in all kids of problems, some of them are embarrassing, humiliating and diminishing. You can get locked up because of the consequences. But this is to be expected; the bible says very clear, the wages of sin is death. 

Death not necessary means you die, you can die spiritually, you can become numb to your family, you can lose your mind, or you can lose your freedom.

But God does not want that from us.

God expects from us, a transformation, since he has given us a new body a new mind. We still have to live in the body that has been given to us, but this time living to please God. “Anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” 2 Corinthians 5:17. It is like, a new person living in the same body that took me to jail, the one who abused drugs and destroyed the live of my children, yes, sharing the same body. Psychology would call this a double personality. But it is not, it is just accepting what I have done and what I am capable of doing. I can fall into addictions again, easier than what it took me to come out.

In 24 years, I have learned to put down the other me. The old Gus still in me but he does not control me anymore, God is in control. I have learned to fight the desires of the flesh, to see women with love and respect, to love my wife unconditionally. There is a Spanish song from Santiago Benavides that says “if I speak words of God but I don’t have love, it is useless”. That is so true, we need to be kind to people, love our children and wife, we need to help the one who need help.

I have been a member of New Connections Ministries for the time that I have clean, 24 years. I am a registered volunteer at the Salvation Army – Anchorage Withdrawal program, yes, the one I thought it was a joke. I am a member of Baptist Church Efata in Lima, Peru.

Every achievement I have done belongs to the Lord, to him be all the Glory for ever and ever, amen.

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